serialfantacist

This will be a long post, I can tell you all that now already. So sorry, its basically an abbreviated version of my life.
I was born into a family that was happy for the periods of money and wealth, and the odd ounce of love.
There was never a sense of lets stay together for the kids, more like, lets take all 10 rings my husband bought me and run. Oh yeah dont forget the house and the kids (kids are annoying but they mean $2000 a month so yeah thats another ring or so right, woo)
When i was six my parents divorced. My dad didn't want me and my mum kept me for the money and the house.
Then she met a guy, porsche and all and moved in with him. I was basically brought up by multiple aupears and saw my mum about 10 minutes every couple of days if I was lucky.
The guy took drugs, bashed my mum about and stole her money.
When he left her, there was nothing better to do other than repeat what he did to her on me. Minus the drugs, so I guess I was lucky in that respect. That happened for about 5 years, but its mostly the words that killed me. The thing is its funny, because I love her for telling me the truth.
I am ugly, fat and stupid.
Eventually she broke my leg kicking me so hard so I went to the police and my dad decided to let me into his house for a couple of years. Except that entire period was like I had intruded into his perfect life. Perfect little new boy, untarnished. Perfect little new wife, skinnier and prettier than I could ever be.
So I was sent to my grandmothers after two years because I was no longer wanted there. Neither of my parents wanted me. What a bloody waste, I should have never have been created.
My grandmother constantly tells me to study, eat, study. I cant breathe in this house.
I decided to be friends with both my parents again. Because I dont want to be an old woman and cry and be bitter about my life.
All the people I love most in my life are no where near me. My dad took care of that when I was sent to my grandmother's, ripped away from London to some countryside sleepy town, Yuck this is not me.

And today my mum confirmed it, she is taking herself and my sister to Japan, where I am half from. I cant even sense anything. I love her so much, I know it is stupid because most people do not like siblings but we went through everything together (my mum did not abuse her, only me) but the lies, the court cases, growing up. Together always. Even merely through voice when I moved to my fathers. She is the second half of me, I will never be who I am without her.
This is not a sob story. This is merely so I can get my feelings out.

Sorry for my lack of posts, due to a low calorie intake for such a while and being so busy not being able to exercise, my metabolism eventually ran into pitstop. So I have been using the following rules to get it back off the ground:

1. Drink at LEAST 1 litre of green tea a day (on top of the usual 8 glasses of h2o)
2. Eat 5 small meals of 200calories (this has been the hardest to keep up, after getting used to eating nothing)
3. Exercise 60 minutes of jumping jacks, 30 minutes of power plate (vibration trainer) and 4 hours of walking/jogging/running.
4. Apply skin tightening cream and sauna cream (making you sweat and therefore creating a faster metabolism) TWICE a day.
5. Switch the shower from BOILING Hot to FREEZING Cold, after your body is used to the temperature, FIVE times for every shower.
6. Spend TWO FIFTEEN MINUTE sessions in the sauna.
7. Use anti cellulite roller TWICE a day (i don't have cellulite but I believe this helps make you appear slimmer.

So far it has been 5 days and I have lost 3 pounds.

The boy is suffering from an eating disorder. Only being able to explain after 2 years of being together.
Recently he has been getting dizzy spells and sickness generally. I feel that the only way out is to fast for a while. Going through the same issues can sometimes provide a release but I'm not exactly a 'begginer' on the fasting scale anyway.
Perhaps he will realise that my restrict/binge and excessive exercise isn't just some pretence to cover up his own dirty footprints. Watch how much it really hurts hun, because I would really like you to know.

 The fear and concern of my mother becoming a so-called 'MILF'* has become to possess me by the day. It seems that as I grow older, or as everybody in the world does, this woman grows younger, at a forced speed of about 200 years a second? Aged 42, the woman owns a sports car worth the annual Londoner's salary, a less equally aged boyfriend (he is closer to double my age difference than to hers) and more recently, a plastique incision of almost three increases in cup size. Breast cup sizes. Breast implants.
 Hold on, even I have had to repeat it three times to actually understand what is happening here. Am i the next Regina George of Mean Girls? Well, Regina is pretty cool with her mum having chunks of plastic replacing her breasts, so let's convert to Cady (Lindsay Lohan). Stop Press. Am I going to be the girl that turns up to a party, only to find my mother making out with the guy that I liked already?
 Perhaps I am being slightly too mature for my age. Perhaps, her decrease in age has lead to an increase in my own.


*mother i would like to f- yes, you guessed right.